Ako ovako mislite ruđiti, bolje je da odmah odustanete

Ako ovako mislite ruđiti, bolje je da odmah odustanete

Piše: Hrvoje Marjanović / index.hr

STARO je pravilo da su političari najsmješniji onda kada se to ne trude biti. Njihov urnebesni humor najčešće dolazi do izražaja kada pričaju koliko rade, kada raspletu tiradu o tome kako im je dobrobit građana svetinja, kada žvale zastavu kojom su malo prije obrisali cipele ne bi li maknuli smrad sirotinje na čijoj grbači egzistiraju, ili pričaju o tome što će učiniti kada dođu na vlast, o diplomama ili tome kako su se spremni stegnuti remen i "primiti u dupe" zbog općeg dobra.

Primjerice, jedan Andrija Hebrang vremenom se prometnuo u jednog od najvećih hrvatskih komičara, a Jadranka Kosor kao da je doktorirala na uvrnutom humoru pa briljira svaki puta kada u javnost izađe s nekom novom bizarnom forom. Društvo im često pravi kler i cijela plejada likova čiju smo nesposobnost vremenom uspjeli pretvoriti u komediju s prilično snažnim "smijem se, ali najradije bih pokupio obitelj, odselio se na Novi Zeland i čuvao ovce" elementima.

Tu gdje HNS zareže, trava ne raste

Čini se da su ovi vicmaheri i majstori pošalice shvatili da je humor očito najbrži način do simpatija glasača jer HDZ nas je svih ovih godina nasmijavao do suza pa smo ih već dva puta smjestili na vlast ne bi li nas nastavili oduševljavati novim načinima da nas brutalno siluju i poslije svega nam u uho šapnu: "Jesam te". Humor je odnedavno i službeno oružje u predizbornoj kampanji pa smo neki dan imali prilike pogledati novi HNS-ov spot u kojem su tako domišljato izredali cijeli niz fantastičnih fora na račun još duhovitijeg HDZ-a koji će vjerojatno uzvratiti još smješnijim spotom. Zamislite, usporedili su vladajuću stranku sa "stomak eliminatorom".

Kada je prosječni glasač pogledao tu urnebesno prastaru referencu, od smijeha je pao na pod i ostao tamo ležati zgrčen u fetalnom položaju, osupnut spoznajom da na sljedećim izborima mora birati između ovih vickastih vragolana. Dakle, s jedne strane imamo HDZ koji je duhovit kao pljačka, otimačina i silovanje na karminama, a s druge "beskompromisne kritičare" koji na tako "brutalan" način ismijavaju vladajuću stranku.

U potrazi za ultimativnom forom

Drugim riječima, nakon svih lopovluka vladajuće stranke, HNS je iz rukava izvukao stomak eliminator. Stomak eliminator?!? Ljudi, vi se šalite, ali ste ujedno i jedini koji se smiju. Ne samo da ste neduhoviti i blagi već ste izabrali i najkilavijeg čovjeka koji će glasačima prenijeti poruku da nemate ništa drugo osim strahovito lošeg vica.

Što je točno bio cilj spota teško je pretpostaviti, ali ako nas namjeravate nasmijati trudite se ne zaboraviti da fora koja bi trebala nasmijati građane države s oko 350 tisuća nezaposlenih mora biti ultimativni vic koji bez muke preskače jezične i kulturne barijere i toliko je jak da će bez prijevoda nasmijati Luksemburžane, Belgijance i pripadnike plemena Korowai i Kombai koji borave u krošnjama stabala u jugozapadnom dijelu Papue Nove Gvineje. Taj vic mora biti jači od Batmana, Zagora i Bleka zajedno i u stanju je razgaliti peteročlanu obitelj bez primanja.

Dosadom i neduhovitošću protiv nesposobnosti

U prijevodu, vrijeme za simpatičnu zajebanciju i ukazivanje na očito odavno je iza nas. U ovom trenutku nije nam potrebna stranka šaljivdžija jer tragikomične spodobe dovele su nas do ovog gdje se trenutno nalazimo. Stoga prestanite s jeftinim prepucavanjima oko toga tko je koga nazvao "Džirlo djevojkom" i pozabavite se konkretnim stvarima, a zajebanciju na račun HDZ-a prepustite novinarima, blogerima i kolumnistima.

Da stvar bude gora, da bi HDZ maknuli s vlasti, zdrav razum nalaže da je dovoljan samo jedan HDZ-ov predizborni spot u kojem HDZ-ovac po vašem izboru nešto govori ili obećava. Na primjer, HDZ-ovac koji priča o dosadašnjim dostignućima, HDZ-ovac koji u istoj rečenici koristi ime stranke i "bolje sutra" ili HDZ-ovac koji samo govori, a na rukama ne nosi lisice. Za svaki slučaj treba ponoviti "zdrav razum nalaže" jer stvarni svijet do toga posebno ne drži.

U stvarnom svijetu zdrav razum nije uvijek dobrodošao. Zdravko Mamić je čovjek na poziciji, a ne pacijent u tapeciranoj sobi, plaća od 5000 kuna dovoljna je da izgradite vilu, a HNS-ov spot oštra je kritika vladajuće stranke.

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